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You Laugh You Lose Thread

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Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best patients to operate on.

 

The first surgeon, from New York , says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.."

 

The second, from Chicago , responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

 

The third surgeon, from Dallas , says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

 

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

 

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable."

There are two Mexicans who have been lost in the desert for weeks and they're at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree off in the distance.

 

As they get closer they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts. "Hey, Pepe" says the first bloke "Ees a bacon tree! We're saved!"

 

"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe. So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.

 

His friend quickly drops down on the sand and calls across to the dying Pepe.

 

"Pepe! Pepe! Que pasa, hombre?"

 

With his dying breath Pepe calls out, "Ugh, run, amigo, run! Ees not a Bacon Tree! Ees a... Ees a..."

 

"Yes, Pepe? Ees a what..?"

 

"Ees... a... ham bush."

 

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author

DUMP DUMP DUMP DUMP DUMP

 

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The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and think 25 to life would be appropriate. -Jay Leno

 

America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. -Jay Leno

 

Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?

A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. -Conan O'Brien

 

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?

A: A fund raiser. -Jay Leno

 

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?

A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. -David Letterman

 

Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?

A: America ! -Jimmy Fallon

 

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?

A: Bo has papers. -Jimmy Kimmel

 

Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for clunkers" program?

A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. -David Letterman

 

http://hphotos-snc3.fbcdn.net/hs364.snc3/23477_389297356632_286726696632_3869800_7037629_n.jpg

 

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The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and think 25 to life would be appropriate. -Jay Leno

 

America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. -Jay Leno

 

Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?

A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. -Conan O'Brien

 

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?

A: A fund raiser. -Jay Leno

 

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?

A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. -David Letterman

 

Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?

A: America ! -Jimmy Fallon

 

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?

A: Bo has papers. -Jimmy Kimmel

 

Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for clunkers" program?

A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. -David Letterman

 

Win :D

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