So maybe it is where i live but I been having some tough luck lately finding myself a gal. I finally want to settle down and get out of the game, to many flings. Every girl i have gone on dates will give me the same line afterwards "Your a super sweet guy and romantic but i hate romance but someone else will be swept off in a heartbeat"

 

So yea i have had that line used on my 7 out 8 of the girls i have gone on dates with in last two months. My question is what is the line do you guys here and think that romance is now dead?

Define romantic

Flowers, Candle lit dinners, poetry... you know movie cliche

Are you doing flowers, candles and poetry on first or very early dates? Might be coming on a little strong. Just be yourself, no need to lay it on too thick...go out on some fun dates rather than candlelit dinners maybe?

actually this has been like couple months of dating

They'll appreciate romance once you're actually with them.

 

it's fine to play the sweetboy once you have the girl, woman love that. But when you're making first movements its a no no, be yourself, plan some random exciting fun dates, don't show too much attachment (like a single text in the morning works good).

I'm with Samus... think of it in reverse... you don't want a girl who doesn't appear to have a full and exciting life outside of you. Don't text every day, vary how long it takes you to reply. For the love of sex do not seem desperate or overly committed. But genuinly... chill... avoid doing anything expensive until you've at least confirm a physical interest. However on a serious point, I spent the first 12 months of a relationship without spending a penny on anything other tahn bithrday, christmas 2 coffees and a congratulatory set of flowers when they did well in a test.

 

Be nice, don't be cheesy and don't make it seem like you're throwing all the guns at them.

It seems that you're overdoing and scaring them away. Samus and Blade have covered most of the things. I'd add just one thing from myself: don't go with poetry, especially if you're the writer.

I mean no offense to you, but there are so many amateur writers that think they're good, when in fact they're terrible. Nothing to loose when you're trying to publish it, but when you're looking for that right girl, bringing poetry is like playing Russian roulette with all but one chambers loaded. There are so many bad things that may happen with poems. They may be simplistic, cliche, pompous, immature, too sweet, overcomplicated, or simply boring. Just don't take that risk.

Sounds like you've tried and died with that story, Ali

Yeah, no offense, but the poetry would definitely scare me away, haha

Unless you lied about your age and you're actually 30 years old you should not be settling down in anything other than some random girls bed.

Unless you lied about your age and you're actually 30 years old you should not be settling down in anything other than some random girls bed.

 

I wholeheartedly disagree. If something works, it works, age has nothing to do with it. I met my wife when I was 20 and she was 19, we've been together for 8 years, been married for one. Best decision I've ever made.

I guess it is for the individual to decide but overall that is the best way.

 

Unless you lied about your age and you're actually 30 years old you should not be settling down in anything other than some random girls bed.

 

I wholeheartedly disagree. If something works, it works, age has nothing to do with it. I met my wife when I was 20 and she was 19, we've been together for 8 years, been married for one. Best decision I've ever made.

 

Look at you, you lil cutey

 

I may very well end up in that same situation the way things are working for me

Only difference is we got together from 18

Firstly, I think the thing to remember is that every girl is different. As is every man. There is no one thing that is going to work. However something you said did sound alarm bells for me-you said "every movie cliche."

 

The trouble is that flowers, chocolates, poetry etc are not original. They show you want to make the effort and are keen to impress, but do they actually say anything about you? After all, you are asking the girl to date you, not asking her to date the writer of a romantic comedy. 

You have to remember my last serious relationship was when i was 15 that was five year ago it ended when I was 18! We actually got engaged but than she passed away due to a rare type of bone cancer spreading to her lungs. Than it was flings, i apparently can charm girls enough for a one night stand but am terrible at this long time stuff. I may not be looking for "the one" per say but I rather not be doing the one of many anymore. Plus now that I dont drink anymore its even harder to meet people, have you ever been in all ComSci classes like not a single female!

At a rough guess... if she's good for a 1 night stand, she's probably no good in the long run. Just sontinue as you did on day 1 for a bit... maybe change your hunting grounds.

or gotta be less picky

Sounds like you've tried and died with that story, Ali

Luckily no . I'm not a romantic kind of person and I've not written a poem in my life. These are my observations, on common life level and and also on a writing one. I'm making my first steps on a field of prose writing (just trying now to write anything that will be publishable) and one of the iron rules I've seen for 95% of publishers is "don't send us your poetry"

Meeting people drunk is fun

 

Also sorry to hear of your loss

When you make out with over 9 girls in same night you kinda get sick of just the bar scene. I use to be in a frat too so it was boring

Capo, this is just my two cents here, and mostly just rehashing what's already been said: slow down. Way down. I can understand that you feel ready to settle down, and want someone special to do that with. You want to feel what you felt with the woman you tragically lost. I don't think that's desperation, but getting too serious too quickly smells like desperation to a lot of woman. As well, if you're dating within your age group, you're going to find a lot of women who just aren't ready to settle down.

 

Put the candlelight dinners and poetry away for bit, until you meet someone and become exclusive for awhile. I'm not saying you should just hop from bed to bed and broad to broad, but keep the dating light and just try to enjoy your life.

 

I'm going to give you a dose of tough love here, because you're a fellow IRON member and I'm betting you can take it: be careful not to fall in love with the idea of love and create situations in your head that don't transcribe in reality. Hopeless romantics tend to do that, and it'll end in a lot of heartache.

 

All in all, wish you the best, and I'm sure you'll find someone worth your time.

Capo, this is just my two cents here, and mostly just rehashing what's already been said: slow down. Way down. I can understand that you feel ready to settle down, and want someone special to do that with. You want to feel what you felt with the woman you tragically lost. I don't think that's desperation, but getting too serious too quickly smells like desperation to a lot of woman. As well, if you're dating within your age group, you're going to find a lot of women who just aren't ready to settle down.

 

Put the candlelight dinners and poetry away for bit, until you meet someone and become exclusive for awhile. I'm not saying you should just hop from bed to bed and broad to broad, but keep the dating light and just try to enjoy your life.

 

I'm going to give you a dose of tough love here, because you're a fellow IRON member and I'm betting you can take it: be careful not to fall in love with the idea of love and create situations in your head that don't transcribe in reality. Hopeless romantics tend to do that, and it'll end in a lot of heartache.

 

All in all, wish you the best, and I'm sure you'll find someone worth your time.

 

This so much.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I25On14m1Zo

I have to say frat boys are decent. At least on my campus. They're actually some of the most hard working goal-oriented people I know.