Congrats on doing some writing 
. As a fellow would-be writer I've read just a couple of words here and there and have a few technical remarks. I hope it won't intimidate you, but help to improve (I wouldn't spend over 30 minutes writing this if I didn't want to help you 
).
1. Don't mix tenses in narrative. You're mostly writing in past tense but there are sentences like this "After the dusts have cleared, the Count sheathes his sword and starts looking around" which feel odd.
2. Try not to repeat information. For instance if narrator says that bomb didn't go off and then character also stating that bomb didn't go off is redundant. Try to choose one way to inform reader about the situation (by narrator or actor but not by both of them).
3. Avoid giving opinions via narrator (unless the assumption is that narrator is describing and also commenting situation): "good thing the Thermobaric Bomb it carries didn’t go off" - that "good thing" is unnecessary - it's for reader to decide whether it was a good thing or not.
4. Always initiate dialogue with a new line - it's much easier to read this way. I'd also advise to use dash instead of quotation marks (that's the standard and people got used to it).
5. You also use italics (without quotation marks) for dialogue - don't do it. Chose one way to mark actors speaking lines and hold onto it.
6. Make sure reader knows who is talking in your dialogue. Here you got an example.
Its passengers quickly got out of the crashed Hunchback. “What the deuce is that kind of flying? I shall have his pilot licence remove from him after this is all over.” The Count said as he checked himself if he’s wounded.
“Well, at least the Thermobaric Bomb it carries didn’t explode; that counts as something.” <- Who said that last sentence? I've no idea and it's confusing.
7. Another example: "The door behind him opened and two men came inside. Untie him, untie him and face him to me. Stand him up straight. Then Sebastian was punched numerous times in the face and at his chest. He was unconscious when he was put into the hospital, Julianne herself treated his wounds. Two hours later, they are holding each other outside along with the other captives." :
- Apart from italics you should avoid using passive voice if it's not absolutely necessary.
- You should divide scenes into different paragraphs (beating the guy is one scene, putting him into hospital is another).
- You should not jump in narrative (guy is being beaten and suddenly he's being put into hospital)
- Julianne treating guy's wounds should be mentioned in separated sentence.
8. Another very important example about narrative:
Count Clavio! This is your final warning. The MP Captain said. Do it! The MP Captain signalled his men to use the battering ram. After 3 attempts
the door broke down. The Military Police charged their way inside. The Count is upstairs with sword at one hand and a pistol at the other. Upstairs! Look upstairs!
The Military Police went upstairs and opening different doors on their way to the Count’s study. Clear! Clear! This one’s clear as well! They reached at the door of the Count’s study. Open it. But just before one of the Military Police grabbed the door, the Count on the other side is aiming at the door with his pistol from his left hand. Ready?
- You should be running narrative from one perspective. Either from Count's or MP's, but not from both. If you're doing from MP's then avoid stating information they don't know, like this one "The Count is upstairs with sword at one hand and a pistol at the other". Also you're killing all the fun for the reader, by giving information they don't need at that time. This way you're preventing reader from being surprised.
Also if you plan to do some serious writing get your hands on some handbooks like Stephen King's "How to write". They're gold mine.
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