Sorry, if this seems a little macabre. As of late I've been giving some thought as to my own funeral.
Let me get this out. Very out loud and clear, "NO I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT DOING ANY RASH. I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT TAKING MY OWN LIFE." Jesus.
I had to say that, because you know this day and age. Fuck a few years ago I said something on Facebook, and the MPs along with the Saint Jean Police showed up at the door, and I nearly spent Christmas locked up in the Psych Ward at the HHR (local hospital). Shit, it was only a fast talking friend who kept me from being arrested and taken into protective custody.
Do you blame me for being cautious?
I've been giving some thought lately to my own funeral. What I want to have happen. Let me be honest, I'm an atheist. I've gone so far as to renounce my baptism. I still remember when I contacted the United Church of Canada and told them to stick that magical shit straight up their asshole. They even went so far as to send a minster to my house to counsel me about my "pain and anger at the Lord", and my "irrational beliefs".
Really? You want to talk about my irrational beliefs? You believe in an invisible, magical, cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own Father and lives in the sky. And if you tell this zombie through telepathic communication, that you accept him as your master, and beg for his forgiveness, he will remove from your person an evil presence, that is present in all of humanity, because some rib woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magic tree.
And you want to talk about irrational belief?
I'm sorry if I've offended anyone. I have no problem with Christians. Who am I to deny you your beliefs? If your faith brings you comfort in your times of distress, and your belief in an almighty judge makes you be a good person, I respect that. I do.
Back to the point in hand.
I've been thinking about my own funeral. I've been thinking about it a lot.
Here's how I see it.
I've decided to give my body to medical science. Specifically, I'm going to be a cadaver. I'd like to think that some future surgeon will have the opportunity to practice on my corpse. Here's a Doctor who can save multiple lives, by learning his/her skills on me. That will be my legacy.
My wake.
No clergy chanting magical incantations over my body (Really? No shit you hell bound baby eating atheist). No tears. I want my friends and family not mourning my death, but celebrating my life. The fact that I was here. I want a slide show of all the events in my life, all the people I met, all the things I've done displayed as Frank Sinatra's "My Way" plays over the speakers. My estate will provide all the booze and (legal), narcotics. I want those who attend to have a fucking party...literally.
That's how I want to go.
How about you?