Simple rules in this thread. Start a statement with, "If I had a dollar for every..."

 

Couple of rules

Make it funny and make it obnoxious. 

How much paper do you got if get a dollar everytime?

<sort_of_a_joke>Please don't get offended in my thread. Being offended is a choice.</sort_of_a_joke>

 

If I had a dollar for every pyramid scheme I've fallen for, I wouldn't be tempted by pyramid schemes. XD

If I had a dollar for every time a candidate promised action was delivered, I would have no dollar.

if I had a dollar for every time the USA was better than the UK, I would still be free, and Samus would give me lots of dollars

If i had a dollar for every time i died in a FPS, i would be rich

If I had a dollar for every time I knew I was gonna regret something the next day but did it anyway. 

If I had a dollar for every time I got rejected for sex, I could pay for it.

if i had a dollar every time i was told to put on a mask at work id have like 50 bucks