25 replies to this topic

[d3mon]

Two old Indian men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel.

The madam takes one look at the two old Indians and whispers to her manager, "go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference."

The manager does as he is told and the two old Indian men go upstairs and take care of their business.

As they are walking home the first man says, "you know, I think my girl was dead!"

"Dead?" says his friend, "why do you say that?"

"Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her."

His friend says, "could be worse I think mine was a witch."

"A witch, why the hell would you say that?"

"Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck and I gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window."

[d3mon]

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.
"Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.

A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered." The teacher, knowing how precious some of these
stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and
before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

"That must've been scary," said the teacher.

"It sure was," said the little girl.

"My kitty raised her back, went "Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF,"
but before she could say '*uck!' the Rottweiler ate her!"

[AngelCruzdelaSant]

D3mon. Congratulations. You have one my respect as a funny person for your wonderful contributions to this thread. Thank you for joining us.

[d3mon]

k.. This one is for my fellow programmers (I hope there are some here )

3 guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is accelerating out of control.

So, the driver pumps the emergency brake, downshifts the gears, and rubs the wheels' rims against the curb. He finally wrestles the car to a stop. The three climb out and assess the situation.

Hardware tech: "Let's try and fix it. I'll crawl under the car and take a look. "

Systems analyst: "No. I think we should get someone qualified to fix it, a specialist in brakes."

Programmer: "Why don't we just get back in and see if it happens again?"

Edited by d3mon, 31 March 2011 - 05:47 PM.

[gonzo the Impaler]

Not a joke but we need to revive this thread, everyone needs a chuckle during wartime...

[dizzyheights]

How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Whoa, no, that's a hardware problem.


How many ears does Spock have? Three: a left ear, a right ear, and a final frontier.


A programmer had been missing from work for over a week when finally someone noticed and called the cops. They went round to his flat and broke down the door. They found him dead in the still running shower with an empty bottle of shampoo next to his body. The instructions on the bottle said:
1. Wet hair
2. Apply shampoo
3. Lather
4. Rinse
5. Repeat

Edited by dizzyheights, 27 May 2012 - 10:14 AM.