His Downstairs is a grand canyon

Doesn't enjoy a good pissing contest.

He's had more pricks than a second-hand dartboard... 

 

EDIT: Meant for MK ^^

 

This one's for SM:

 

She's such a prude that she refused to do improper-factions in school.

He's had more pricks than a second-hand dartboard...

Oh my!

 

His real name is Ben Dover.

Her lips give better suction than a vacuum cleaner. 

That isn't a lie.

 

Once climbed into a bee hive to visit his honey

Oh, it isn't? My bad. 

 

She's got lips like two red slugs fighting in wheat.

Eats slugs like M&Ms

She's got a face like a fried cod. 

Will die a virgin

Can't take more than 2 inches of the bat.

Can take 24 inches of the bat

Has a 24 inch bat

has a small rack

Doesn't have a bat altogether.

has sent aid to GAY HOMO

EUGH! Won the thread in my eyes.... yet I shall muster what defence measures I have left.

 

Tried to kiss his own bat out of desperation.

Has erectile dysfuction

Unfortunately can't have an erectile dysfunction due to him having no bat- or thin stick in this case.

Is afraid of big racks

Has a huge rack

Has pinprick sized arms and isn't afraid to use them!

His teeth are like stars; they come out at night.

Has all his limbs, but attaches a faux peg leg and walks around pretending he's a pirate.

has facial hair.