43 replies to this topic

[theflash]

i got a major prob. Im shy as hell around girls. If im talking to a girl that is attractive, I literally shit my pants on the spot. I have no idea why. And im not my self. I try and act as if they are one of my bros. But it still doesnt work. plz give advice i don't want to be forever alone.  

[Robert2424]

Shyness to that Degree? This is something most people have to grow out on there own. But with time and if you keep trying, I think would help you allot. What I personally recommend is the following. 

 

1, Find some friends to go out and meet some girls. 

2, meet some girls and just become basic friends with them. There are good people out there where you get used to talking to regular girls. 

 

Course, I've been single for awhile. Just relax and be yourself. There somebody out there for everybody. Thinking that there isn't is only setting yourself up for failure. 

[Icewolf]

How old are you? Serious question, if you want some advice it will help to know what sort of social situations you are in. 

 

 

Do you get nervous talking to strangers in general?

[Robert2424]

Think he's 15

[TheSphinxOfDarkness]

When I was in middle school I went up to all the girls in the lunchroom and asked them out, I got rejected, a lot. And I even got slapped twice! Doesn't really matter what they say back to you, the important thing is to have confidence. Below is information.

1. There is a 99 percent chance that she will not stab you if you talk to her.

2. Women are like men, they are humans

3. The world will not explode the second you open your mouth to talk to a woman

4. Be cool, collective, and calm. Imagine yourself talking to a girl, and I mean vividly imagine it, then calm yourself down whenever you get dismayed. 

5. Feel good about yourself.

[MsShawdi]

We have a neighbor that was really shy like that... He's also my husbands cousin. He turned 15 back in November... My solution, and it has worked, was to pester him.. a lot. Now, he's fine talking to & being around me I think he may hate me though, but his confidence building is worth it, I think.

He use to not even wave at me or say "hi", he was that shy... Now, he actually will talk to me, without my husband having to be here. He's also been talking to the girls at school, and I think I may have helped with his confidence to do that!

Might be a little easier to start small, like just conversing online with any female, rather than face to face. I think it may be like a psychological thing, you see a girl, and you get nervous. So, maybe just conversing without the physical seeing of a female would help, even if you know that girl IRL. Something like a facebook chatting, so it's not as intimidating, then it'd be easier face to face since you'd be friends.


Definitely don't worry though, girls go through that too!!

[Samus]

the key is really just to have confidence in yourself, I used to be the shyest guy around girls up unto I was around 17.

 

I wrote a really long reply to this thread with some advice but it got deleted.. 

 

i'll try revisit it later

 

But really the key is just to have confidence.

 

But yeah confirm how old you are.

 

Also give a typical type of conversation you have with a girl you're interested with and how you approach making advancements to them.

[Dandy]

Big step up, and this is important, super important, listen up! Want to break the ol' shyness? Wanna be able to talk to cute girls without sweating bullets and buckling at the knees? Well pay attention because this will solve your problem once you have mastered it!

 

...no, it's not confidence.

 

Stop viewing every girl you talk to as a romantic conquest. You may be saying "Dandy? Romantic conquest? Don't you think that's a bit too heavy for such an innocent problem?" to which I reply "What are you doing in my house?". Kidding, the real issue is that when you talk to a girl, your thoughts immediately go to romance and you enter a kind of panic mode and your body and mind shut down in order to stop yourself from "blowing it" as the phrase goes.

 

"But Dandy," you reply, "Isn't that typical of males from puberty onwards?". Well yes kind reader, this is common. However when we start to separate ourselves from the auto response of a "conversation partner" of our preferred gender, our minds have the ability to function in a normal capacity because we no longer worry about our romantic future with whatever individual is giving us the "shyness" issue.

 

So, pro-tip from ol' Dandy. Not every girl you talk to will have an interest in you from the first moment you talk, and not every girl will ever have interest in you. To bring in the old phrase "Be yourself" is an understatement. Unless you are Channing Tatum, they want to know who they are getting in with. Heck they might not even have any kind of romantic feelings until they find out something about you. One of my ex's had no interest in me until she learned I was Army, things went down hill because of her kid but that is another story for another time.

[TheSphinxOfDarkness]

Big step up, and this is important, super important, listen up! Want to break the ol' shyness? Wanna be able to talk to cute girls without sweating bullets and buckling at the knees? Well pay attention because this will solve your problem once you have mastered it!

 

...no, it's not confidence.

 

Stop viewing every girl you talk to as a romantic conquest. You may be saying "Dandy? Romantic conquest? Don't you think that's a bit too heavy for such an innocent problem?" to which I reply "What are you doing in my house?". Kidding, the real issue is that when you talk to a girl, your thoughts immediately go to romance and you enter a kind of panic mode and your body and mind shut down in order to stop yourself from "blowing it" as the phrase goes.

 

"But Dandy," you reply, "Isn't that typical of males from puberty onwards?". Well yes kind reader, this is common. However when we start to separate ourselves from the auto response of a "conversation partner" of our preferred gender, our minds have the ability to function in a normal capacity because we no longer worry about our romantic future with whatever individual is giving us the "shyness" issue.

 

So, pro-tip from ol' Dandy. Not every girl you talk to will have an interest in you from the first moment you talk, and not every girl will ever have interest in you. To bring in the old phrase "Be yourself" is an understatement. Unless you are Channing Tatum, they want to know who they are getting in with. Heck they might not even have any kind of romantic feelings until they find out something about you. One of my ex's had no interest in me until she learned I was Army, things went down hill because of her kid but that is another story for another time.

Definitely a big problem for a lot of men is thinking that every woman who talks to them wants to jump their bones. Back in highschool, I weighed 350 pounds, and if a chick talked to me I would immediately think "This chick wants me", even though every synapse in my brain was saying "Nuh-huh". I think doing some circular breathing through the nose would help him bring down the terror during breaks in the conversation though. Really he should just see them as what they are, a human. 

 

Also, did you literally mean literally shit your pants? Or was that just a figurative literally.

 

P.S. Who is Channing Tatum?

[Samus]

 

Big step up, and this is important, super important, listen up! Want to break the ol' shyness? Wanna be able to talk to cute girls without sweating bullets and buckling at the knees? Well pay attention because this will solve your problem once you have mastered it!

 

...no, it's not confidence.

 

Stop viewing every girl you talk to as a romantic conquest. You may be saying "Dandy? Romantic conquest? Don't you think that's a bit too heavy for such an innocent problem?" to which I reply "What are you doing in my house?". Kidding, the real issue is that when you talk to a girl, your thoughts immediately go to romance and you enter a kind of panic mode and your body and mind shut down in order to stop yourself from "blowing it" as the phrase goes.

 

"But Dandy," you reply, "Isn't that typical of males from puberty onwards?". Well yes kind reader, this is common. However when we start to separate ourselves from the auto response of a "conversation partner" of our preferred gender, our minds have the ability to function in a normal capacity because we no longer worry about our romantic future with whatever individual is giving us the "shyness" issue.

 

So, pro-tip from ol' Dandy. Not every girl you talk to will have an interest in you from the first moment you talk, and not every girl will ever have interest in you. To bring in the old phrase "Be yourself" is an understatement. Unless you are Channing Tatum, they want to know who they are getting in with. Heck they might not even have any kind of romantic feelings until they find out something about you. One of my ex's had no interest in me until she learned I was Army, things went down hill because of her kid but that is another story for another time.

Definitely a big problem for a lot of men is thinking that every woman who talks to them wants to jump their bones. Back in highschool, I weighed 350 pounds, and if a chick talked to me I would immediately think "This chick wants me", even though every synapse in my brain was saying "Nuh-huh". I think doing some circular breathing through the nose would help him bring down the terror during breaks in the conversation though. Really he should just see them as what they are, a human. 

 

Also, did you literally mean literally shit your pants? Or was that just a figurative literally.

 

P.S. Who is Channing Tatum?

 

 

actor, girls are suppossed to find him attractive

 

he was in the last transformers movie

[TheSphinxOfDarkness]

 

 

Big step up, and this is important, super important, listen up! Want to break the ol' shyness? Wanna be able to talk to cute girls without sweating bullets and buckling at the knees? Well pay attention because this will solve your problem once you have mastered it!

 

...no, it's not confidence.

 

Stop viewing every girl you talk to as a romantic conquest. You may be saying "Dandy? Romantic conquest? Don't you think that's a bit too heavy for such an innocent problem?" to which I reply "What are you doing in my house?". Kidding, the real issue is that when you talk to a girl, your thoughts immediately go to romance and you enter a kind of panic mode and your body and mind shut down in order to stop yourself from "blowing it" as the phrase goes.

 

"But Dandy," you reply, "Isn't that typical of males from puberty onwards?". Well yes kind reader, this is common. However when we start to separate ourselves from the auto response of a "conversation partner" of our preferred gender, our minds have the ability to function in a normal capacity because we no longer worry about our romantic future with whatever individual is giving us the "shyness" issue.

 

So, pro-tip from ol' Dandy. Not every girl you talk to will have an interest in you from the first moment you talk, and not every girl will ever have interest in you. To bring in the old phrase "Be yourself" is an understatement. Unless you are Channing Tatum, they want to know who they are getting in with. Heck they might not even have any kind of romantic feelings until they find out something about you. One of my ex's had no interest in me until she learned I was Army, things went down hill because of her kid but that is another story for another time.

Definitely a big problem for a lot of men is thinking that every woman who talks to them wants to jump their bones. Back in highschool, I weighed 350 pounds, and if a chick talked to me I would immediately think "This chick wants me", even though every synapse in my brain was saying "Nuh-huh". I think doing some circular breathing through the nose would help him bring down the terror during breaks in the conversation though. Really he should just see them as what they are, a human. 

 

Also, did you literally mean literally shit your pants? Or was that just a figurative literally.

 

P.S. Who is Channing Tatum?

 

 

actor, girls are suppossed to find him attractive

 

he was in the last transformers movie

 

I haven't really watched anything new since 2008 or so.

 

On topic, try the 4-7-8 breathing technique 

Inhale through nose for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale through mouth for 8 seconds, exhale hard enough so it makes a whooshing sound. Do this BEFORE talking to the girls. Don't do it in front of them.

[Samus]

tbh I don't think these type of techniques really work well in the long term.

 

He really needs to get his confidence up and stop putting females on a pedestal.

 

Most guys are scared of hearing 'no', but once you come to a conscious understanding that 'no' literally is not that deep. Your confidence will automatically follow.

 

 

I was literally the worst shy boy you could ever imagine, shy to look my mum/aunts too long in the eyes, shy to even look at a girl when we spoke, having heart attacks when a girl even so much as brushed her hand past mine. You name it.

 

 

I literally went through this whole shyness and scared to talk to girls throughout my whole younger teenage years, till about 17.

 

You ever heard of that saying 'fake it till you make it'.

You can apply this with confidence too.

 

I just made the decision one day that I was going to start faking my confidence, and over time I realised that the things I was scared to do before, were nothing to be afraid of once I did it. And over time the 'faking' just became a natural thing and apart of who I was. I don't even think twice about it now.

 

Also OP you're 15, trust me you're still very young. I joined IRON when I was 14 (i'm 22 now). I had trouble with girls all my teenage life, it started working better when I got to sixth form (16/17). But when I got to university (18), I was flooded with girls and you will be too trust me, talking and flirting with girls became second nature, I don't ever have to think about what i'm saying. So don't lose hope now and think you're going to be forever alone, you're still very very very young lol. 

[TheSphinxOfDarkness]

tbh I don't think these type of techniques really work well in the long term.

 

He really needs to get his confidence up and stop putting females on a pedestal.

 

Most guys are scared of hearing 'no', but once you come to a conscious understanding that 'no' literally is not that deep. Your confidence will automatically follow.

 

 

I was literally the worst shy boy you could ever imagine, shy to look my mum/aunts too long in the eyes, shy to even look at a girl when we spoke, having heart attacks when a girl even so much as brushed her hand past mine. You name it.

 

 

I literally went through this whole shyness and scared to talk to girls throughout my whole younger teenage years, till about 17.

 

You ever heard of that saying 'fake it till you make it'.

You can apply this with confidence too.

 

I just made the decision one day that I was going to start faking my confidence, and over time I realised that the things I was scared to do before, were nothing to be afraid of once I did it. And over time the 'faking' just became a natural thing and apart of who I was. I don't even think twice about it now.

 

Also OP you're 15, trust me you're still very young. I joined IRON when I was 14 (i'm 22 now). I had trouble with girls all my teenage life, it started working better when I got to sixth form (16/17). But when I got to university (18), I was flooded with girls and you will be too trust me, talking and flirting with girls became second nature, I don't ever have to think about what i'm saying. So don't lose hope now and think you're going to be forever alone, you're still very very very young lol. 

The point of the breathing techniques is to help his heart rate slow, if he does it enough his body and brain will go "Oh, I guess this isn't a life or death situation, lets just chill for a while and let him do his thang". 

 

Now here is a piece of advice you can apply to pretty much everything -

The more you do it, the easier it gets.

[Samus]

yeah actually was thinking about this and it could turn into a thing where once he realises it isn't that deep, it wouldn't be a thing he needs to continue to do.

 

I think I actually did something similar years back

[TheSphinxOfDarkness]

yeah actually was thinking about this and it could turn into a thing where once he realises it isn't that deep, it wouldn't be a thing he needs to continue to do.

 

I think I actually did something similar years back

A lot of the times whenever I exercise i'll be watching... certain types of videos. I'll tell you this, I exercise more now.

[Lysistrata]

Too funny. I had to avoid being seen. Duck behind bushes. Take alternate routes home. Tell my mother to say I'm not home. Those were the days... it was a hard life.

[Omnicide]

I used to be awkward shay and really annoying towards girls way back when, but then one day something just clicked that I no longer gave a fuck what people thought about me and my confidence when way high...now I have no problems talking with women or getting them to talk back....it is a serious key that you learn to accept yourself and see the confidence inside yourself everything else will come as trial and error

[dagonslayer51]

If we are talking about shyness, I was the Rajeesh Koothrapali of shy guys. In eight grade, I was so shy I couldn't speak in front of my 18 people classroom. I guess that the problem comes from fear and anxiety. I know what you are feeling right now and I wish that I could have had people to give me advice. But what I do know is that it will only get better if you force yourself. To quote Flemeth from Dragon Age 2: "It is only after you fall wether you learn if you can fly" Get yourself out there. Start slow. Try to make new friends. Maybe that shy girl that sits in the back of the class can talk to you and become your friend. Maybe that smart kid who always answers the teacher's questions can give you a conversation. You won't know any of that if you don't try. And If you don't try, you will stay with the doubt of the what if. Believe me, the what if is much worse than knowing the answer, I've been through that. 

 

If none of that works, then watch this video. Watch it until you learn every word, because every single word is important and will help you not just with your fear noww, but with everything else you try.

 

[Icewolf]

Guys,, I think letting theflash clarify his position and situation a bit more would be more productive than lots of generic advice about shyness. 

[theflash]

Think he's 15

sorry haven't been being notified about this post. I just turned 16 couple days ago. And thanks for the advice guys.

How old are you? Serious question, if you want some advice it will help to know what sort of social situations you are in. 

 

 

Do you get nervous talking to strangers in general?

 

A little bit, I think I might have social issues to be honest.