sorry haven't been being notified about this post. I just turned 16 couple days ago. And thanks for the advice guys.
How old are you? Serious question, if you want some advice it will help to know what sort of social situations you are in.
Do you get nervous talking to strangers in general?
A little bit, I think I might have social issues to be honest.
Flash, I'm going to respond to you in a fairly blunt and directive way, with a few techniques that will help you talk to people, including girls. I hope that is okay with you. There are exceptions to every rule and I hate using absolutes, so understand that I'm making a lot of generalizations, but they're good generalizations, IMHO.
Ok, first of all, at 16 your life is one unexpected or unwanted body change after another. This is enough to make anyone a nervous wreck. The same girls you played with 6 years ago have gone through their own version of unexpected or unwanted body changes, and they are often extremely uncomfortable with themselves. They may look like goddesses, but more often than not they don't know they've suddenly gotten very hot and they almost certainly have no idea that you feel the way you do unless you show it.
Other people have said this and I'm going to say it again, do not assume she wants anything sexual from anyone right now. You might want something sexual, but put that stuff away for now. Just because she's a good looking female ( or even an ugly female) that doesn't mean she's looking for someone who wants to swap spit with her. A lot of guys want to jump anything in a dress, but girls just wants to be treated like a person. There's a good chance she's afraid of boys and she probably doesn't know that guys are just as terrified of girls as she is of guys. She might want a boyfriend, but she's going to be much more open to connecting that way if you approach her the way you approach people you aren't attracted to in the world. Put aside your libido, don't look at her body, pretend she's really physically unattractive and try to get to know who she is. This is easier said than done, but if you are able to forget that she's hot, you are more likely to be able to engage her in conversation, which is the only way you will ever connect with her.
As for being shy, I'll bet it looks like everyone is out-going and confident, while you're just squirming in the corner. Some people are naturally out-going, but a lot of people fake it until they make it. When I'm teaching social skills, I tell people that a friendly smile goes a long way. You don't need to really be smiling to smile, go look in the mirror and fake a smile. Looks fake, right? Now fake the smile again, but bring your eyes into it, a real smile involves a little bit of a squint. Try it. Looks more real, even if you don't think it does. Also, most people who don't know you well will have no idea when your smile is fake or real, so go ahead and fake it 'til you make it.
Conversation: Spend a little time preparing with some generic topics for conversation. You don't have to have a particular girl in mind to do this, and it will help you make friends no matter where you are. You don't need to have brilliant things to say, just a few topics that will fit most situations. Asking people questions about themselves is a great way to get a conversation going. What do you have in common with the person you're talking to? If you're in the same class ask how she likes that class, or the teacher, or wasn't that test hard or something along those lines. If she's in a different class, how does she like that class/teacher/etc? What kind of music does she like? You like the same stuff? YAY, talk about the music! If you don't like the same stuff, ask what she likes about the stuff she likes. In order for this to work, you have to show interest and focus on what she's saying, so nod and ask follow up questions.
Rejection: you probably think you will be crushed if a girl isn't interested in you, but you are wrong. You will survive. The thing is, if someone you don't know rejects you, they aren't really rejecting you because they don't know you. She may not be in the mood to talk with anyone she isn't close to, she may have had a fight with their parents and just want to sulk, maybe you remind her of her uncle Fred, who locked her in a closet when she was younger. The point is, she doesn't really know who you are inside so if she is not interested in you, it is probably because of something going within her and has little or nothing to do with you.
Ugh, I'm being really long winded and I'm talking to you the way I talk to people in their 20s, 30, 40s+. I am sorry if I'm boring you, but think about what I'm saying and try to pick out anything that you think applies to you. Also, I'm saying this because I don't know you and I don't know what you need at all, but if you are truly paralyzed in social situations talking to a therapist can do a lot to help. I don't think you need a therapist. I'm just saying that is an option.
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