Granted but the only reason there is peace is because nuclear war killed everything and everyone on earth.

 

I wish I had a pizza

Granted, but you'd be like Darth Maul and only get a short fight scene.

 

I wish my job paid more.

Have you seen clone wars?

I give you pizza with pineapple on it, so barbaric.

 

I wish i had a car

Granted but you get this 2002 crv we have on our car lot(I sell cars), and they car shakes and grinds if you go over like 15 mph

 

I wish for a steak

Granted, but it's human meat and you are henceforth frowned upon in most societies.

 

I wish I hadn't lost my sunglasses last week.

Granted but instead you lost your mind.

 

I wish I didn't have to work today

Granted, but the reason you aren't at work is because your held captive as Hillary Clintions sex slave

 

 

I wish I could talk to females.

Granted but you are also held captive with me by Hillary Clinton and forced to talk to her every second for the rest of your life

 

I wish the Cubs don't win a single game ever again

Granted, they never win a single game ever again... because baseball is banned across the globe and ceases to exist as a sport, forever.

 

I wish this blasted war would end. I'm tired of only ever having useless turtles in my range.

Granted but it ends because Cybernations is shut down for good due to a virus you got from watching too much porn.

 

I wish I wasn't cold

Granted. You die of heat stroke.

 

I wish I had a blizzard from DQ

Granted, but it was contaminated with salmonella.

 

I wish my phone battery wasn't about to die.

Granted. Instead you die

 

I wish I had a puppy

Granted, but it has 2 heads and rabies.

 

I wish I didn't have to rehearse graduation.

Granted, but that is actually because they made a mistake and it turns out you failed.

 

I wish it was lunch time 

Granted, but not in your time zone.

 

I wish I didn't have to go to Walmart today.

Granted, you have to go to Goodwill to shop.

 

I wish I could sleep.

Granted but you never wake up

 

I wish for coke

Granted, but it's stolen coke from the cartel. Have fun.

 

I wish Zoolander 2 didn't suck as much as it did.

Granted but that's because Zoolander never existed to begin with

 

I wish my best friend wasn't mad at me

Granted, your best friend is no longer made at you... Because he took out all his anger by bulldozing your house.

 

I wish all my friends wouldn't ask me to help them move stuff as often as they do just because I own a truck.

granted, but that is because all your friends abandon you

 

i wish work was over

Granted, because you've been fired, effective immediately.

 

I wish I didn't have to burn the gas necessary to drive to my parent's place for Memorial Day weekend tomorrow.

That actually wouldn't bother me too much 😂😂😂

 

Granted but that is because your parents uninvite you, cut you out of the will, and tell everyone they know that you never existed

 

 

I wish that it wasn't raining

Granted. It never rains again, all the plants die and you starve.

 

I wish it was the weekend.

Granted but you are arrested on Friday night for a crime you did not commit and have to spend the entire weekend in jail before you can be arraigned 

 

 

I wish I had a beer right now