Is a woman.

Doesn't have a signature... She hand copies the  bottom of her posts every time

Has a crush on me.  Won't admit it.

wears a onesie to work

Has enough posts to make SM jealous

Thinks I actually care about post count.

Thinks the  same of me

Never even notices post count.

Always looks to the post count

Has never been nuked.

Is always over-dressed

is always under dressed

Is insanely jealous

is a flying kiwi and is flying over my house right now

smells of garlic and cheese

is a vampire and that is why he can't come near me and has to stay outside

Believes in Santa Claus

is Santa Claus 

Is santa's elf

is Santa's mistress

Knows way too much about Santa.

is a spy working with the CIA to get to know how Santa knows everything about everyone even their agents

bribes the CIA to tell lies about everybody so Santa brings them coal

is in the CIA and has been watching me since i was 2 because they know they couldn't handle someone this badass if i got out of control 

Once masturbated into the carcass of tyrannosaurus rex.