Meant to call himself Wang Chung, got distracted

Sister Midnight definitely didn't distract me

Really sucks at gaming

Hates everything

doesn't like sex

Needs viagra

Is the legendary old lady who lives in a shoe.

Has incurable case of hiccups

Last week had a real life, honest to God western-style showdown with a girl from down the block. At noon, she walked out in front of her house, turned toward her and stared her down. She spit. (I thought that part was a little over-the-top). People were hiding and then it happened... a tumbleweed, you heard me right, a tumbleweed rolled down the street. Sister Midnight let the girl draw first, but Sister Midnight shot more true and dropped her. Then they went off and got some ice cream.

 

Oh, I forgot to mention, they were using water guns. Sorry.

Many years ago Fermion hired a group of kids on a school outing at the zoo to throw balloons filled with shaving cream at the monkeys. Then Fermion thew over some razors. Needless to say after the shavings a few "kids" were rescued from monkey island, clothed and sent home on the bus. Fermion breaks out in giggles for no reason to this day.

MrFinch created a machine that watches everyone all the time, looking for terrorist activity and it reports danger to the US government. No one knows it, but it also sends MrFinch the social security number of a person who is in danger of being involved in a murder, either as victim or perpetrator. It is MrFinch's mission in life to prevent that crime from ever occurring.

Sister Midnight moons the night sky screaming, "Look here you alien turds!", then runs inside her aluminum foil lined room happy that she showed those aliens a thing or two.

MrFinch only likes to shitpost so he can get the attention and approval from random people on the internet that he desperately craves.

rear view mirror is actually a glass. They have been the cause of countless accidents, including one involving a car, a truck and a packet full of gummy bears.

Not the gummy bears!

 

Fermion finds studying economics a waste of his time.

Rearview lives in the North Pole and wears a red suit. Pretends he's from Texas.

Sister Midnight likes to dress as an elf and go to all the shopping malls just for the chance to sit on the mall Santa's lap. She loves the unique smell of urine and rum when it's from a fluffy 60 year old man.

Mr. Finch is such a naughty boy that he now runs his own multinational coal production, processing and thermal power company. With all the free raw materials and his devious schemes to outsmart his enemies, he has become wildly successful, becoming the first man to power the North Pole. As an act of retribution, he pranks Santa everyday, planting fart baloons, teddy bears, grenades and toothpaste under Santa's seat. Needless to say,  Santa's bum did not see that coming.

Fermion sits around all day coming up with new ways to torture Samus.

Sister midnight is actually Darkseid, the overlord of evil, the most popular cat smut writer in outer space, the killer of puppies and the biggest and purplest man you'll ever see. 

Fermion traveled to the North Pole recently in search of Santa to discuss why he never received that red bike he asked for when he was 9.

SeaBeeGipson is the local chapter leader of the Gay Black Jewish Clansmen for Peace and Tolerance. He also hosts a SpongeBob SquarePants fan club meeting every Thursday at 7:30 PM in his mother's basement.

rearviewrover once farted, yes folks you heard right, he farted to blow the candles on a birthday cake. "It's lucky!" he explained seriously. This had the added benefit of him having all the cake to himself, though the birthday girl seemed morose. After all, the cake was made from the creamified remains of her beloved dog.

Fromin is incapable of coming up with a decent insane lie, so he only tells the truth.

Sister Midnight, once secretly petrified that the local squirrel population was plotting to take over the world, placed poisoned nuts all over her front yard. The only victim of the trap happened to be the neighbor's son. Midnight blamed it on the squirrels, and the whole neighborhood set out on a genocidal campaign to eradicate the squirrels, who were then forced to take up arms and wage a geurrilla campaign against the community. Seven bloody years of chaos, suffering, and dispair and thousands of casualties later, the fighting has grid locked with no end in sight. Sister Midnight's only regret? She wishes she had used the leftover almonds for the trap instead and saved the cashews for herself.