Hey guys. I'd like to share some life experience with y'all.
I haven't been in IRON long but y'all are pretty entertaining to talk to and beyond that, we all know when it's time to get serious with our discussions and treat each other like family. Despite having met none of you, despite the controversies over my name (expected), I felt welcome and IRON is the sole reason I play CyberNations.
Now as some of you know, I am a single father with sole custody of my son ( 1 1/2yr old). His mother cheated with a drug dealer, got hooked on dealing heroine (and apparently taking meth I found out this week) and other dangerous behavior. Before I could get an order from the court to keep her away from our son for his safety, she kidnapped him and ran off. It took the police and myself almost a month to find him (I missed his first birthday. I'm devastated to this day by that.) The police found him in a trailer with people I never heard of on the other side of the metroplex. She wasn't with him. I am thankful he is safe with me. During that month, I don't know what happened. He, despite being so young before this, would speak basic words, crawl around, and was healthy (he was premature with some lung problems, so healthy as he can get.) I got him and he wouldn't say anything. No muttering mama or dada. He'd barely crawl and wanted me to hold him 14/7. He was skinny and looked sick. It still breaks my heart in two to ever think a kid, especially my own, could look like that..
He is doing alot better now. He talks non stop, walks without falling, is not only a healthy weight and height, he's in the upper percentile (88% on height, 72% on weight). I lost a good job to take care of him, I had my truck repo'ed, and I lost my place to live (moved in with my mother.) It was all worth it to see him healthy now. I have a car now, a decent job (I make about 50% what I used to, but I can survive.) I still am having to live with my mother before I jump on that gun and resettle my son.
What's the point of this? After all this, my view of women and marriage has been completely fucked. I can't even stand to flirt with women, yet alone try to date them. I'm disgusted. I kept thinking every woman would turn into my estranged ex wkfe. IVE never been racist (hard to believe with my name), but my ex wife was hispanic and born in Mexico. The way her, her family, and even non-related Hispanics acted during the entire ordeal makes me uneasy around hispanics. I can't trust them like I used to. It's something I do without thinking about. I just naturally have my guard up when they're around. I'm ashamed of it. Having been in the military, I had Hispanics I trusted my life with. Guys I would trust if I gave my life for, they would be worth it. Those guys I still talk to, I still treat them like any of my other brothers, but they are the expecting to the rule. Beyond them, I just can't look at them the same. If anyone here is hispanic, I mean no offense. Im venting. I understand it isn't an okay behavior, which is why I'm ashamed. I don't need anyone telling me it's bad, I know that.
The reason I'm saying this, is I finally feel i'm healing. I joined a dating site after being bombarded by one of my Marine buddies and even my own mother, and I honestly am feeling more secure about moving on with life. Of course, I've talked to some batshit crazy women from it, but some seem genuinely sweet. My buddies have also set me up on a few blind dates, none of them really stood out but it's progress.
I began working out again. I dropped from 175 to 125 in 2 months from the stress of her taking my son and even the way I got him back. I almost ended up in the hospital because I could barely stand or walk. I would have episodes where I stayed up for 4-5days straight, sleep for literally 2 or 3 hours and do it again. Having PTSD did not help any of this. I don't sleep well anyway, but that was alot for me. I'm happy to say I'm back up to 165 and aiming to hit the 195 I was in the military.
You guys don't know, but these forums have been an escape for me. When I'm feeling down or out, I come on here and just read posts, some 2 or 3 years old. I talk to people. You guys have provided me an escape when I need one. I thank you guys for that.
I just wanted to let you guys know how you have helped me, and where I am in life. It only gets better from here, the hard part is done. Thank you guys and I really hope you guys truly feel proud. Y'all deserve it. You never know when you can make someone better. Granted alot of outside help was involved, yall played a role. Thank you.
Hey guys. I'd like to share some life experience with y'all.
I haven't been in IRON long but y'all are pretty entertaining to talk to and beyond that, we all know when it's time to get serious with our discussions and treat each other like family. Despite having met none of you, despite the controversies over my name (expected), I felt welcome and IRON is the sole reason I play CyberNations.
Now as some of you know, I am a single father with sole custody of my son ( 1 1/2yr old). His mother cheated with a drug dealer, got hooked on dealing heroine (and apparently taking meth I found out this week) and other dangerous behavior. Before I could get an order from the court to keep her away from our son for his safety, she kidnapped him and ran off. It took the police and myself almost a month to find him (I missed his first birthday. I'm devastated to this day by that.) The police found him in a trailer with people I never heard of on the other side of the metroplex. She wasn't with him. I am thankful he is safe with me. During that month, I don't know what happened. He, despite being so young before this, would speak basic words, crawl around, and was healthy (he was premature with some lung problems, so healthy as he can get.) I got him and he wouldn't say anything. No muttering mama or dada. He'd barely crawl and wanted me to hold him 14/7. He was skinny and looked sick. It still breaks my heart in two to ever think a kid, especially my own, could look like that..
He is doing alot better now. He talks non stop, walks without falling, is not only a healthy weight and height, he's in the upper percentile (88% on height, 72% on weight). I lost a good job to take care of him, I had my truck repo'ed, and I lost my place to live (moved in with my mother.) It was all worth it to see him healthy now. I have a car now, a decent job (I make about 50% what I used to, but I can survive.) I still am having to live with my mother before I jump on that gun and resettle my son.
What's the point of this? After all this, my view of women and marriage has been completely fucked. I can't even stand to flirt with women, yet alone try to date them. I'm disgusted. I kept thinking every woman would turn into my estranged ex wkfe. IVE never been racist (hard to believe with my name), but my ex wife was hispanic and born in Mexico. The way her, her family, and even non-related Hispanics acted during the entire ordeal makes me uneasy around hispanics. I can't trust them like I used to. It's something I do without thinking about. I just naturally have my guard up when they're around. I'm ashamed of it. Having been in the military, I had Hispanics I trusted my life with. Guys I would trust if I gave my life for, they would be worth it. Those guys I still talk to, I still treat them like any of my other brothers, but they are the expecting to the rule. Beyond them, I just can't look at them the same. If anyone here is hispanic, I mean no offense. Im venting. I understand it isn't an okay behavior, which is why I'm ashamed. I don't need anyone telling me it's bad, I know that.
The reason I'm saying this, is I finally feel i'm healing. I joined a dating site after being bombarded by one of my Marine buddies and even my own mother, and I honestly am feeling more secure about moving on with life. Of course, I've talked to some batshit crazy women from it, but some seem genuinely sweet. My buddies have also set me up on a few blind dates, none of them really stood out but it's progress.
I began working out again. I dropped from 175 to 125 in 2 months from the stress of her taking my son and even the way I got him back. I almost ended up in the hospital because I could barely stand or walk. I would have episodes where I stayed up for 4-5days straight, sleep for literally 2 or 3 hours and do it again. Having PTSD did not help any of this. I don't sleep well anyway, but that was alot for me. I'm happy to say I'm back up to 165 and aiming to hit the 195 I was in the military.
You guys don't know, but these forums have been an escape for me. When I'm feeling down or out, I come on here and just read posts, some 2 or 3 years old. I talk to people. You guys have provided me an escape when I need one. I thank you guys for that.
I just wanted to let you guys know how you have helped me, and where I am in life. It only gets better from here, the hard part is done. Thank you guys and I really hope you guys truly feel proud. Y'all deserve it. You never know when you can make someone better. Granted alot of outside help was involved, yall played a role. Thank you.
Here's to moving on and getting better.