11 replies to this topic

[SeaBeeGipson]

Hey guys. I'd like to share some life experience with y'all.

I haven't been in IRON long but y'all are pretty entertaining to talk to and beyond that, we all know when it's time to get serious with our discussions and treat each other like family. Despite having met none of you, despite the controversies over my name (expected), I felt welcome and IRON is the sole reason I play CyberNations.

Now as some of you know, I am a single father with sole custody of my son ( 1 1/2yr old). His mother cheated with a drug dealer, got hooked on dealing heroine (and apparently taking meth I found out this week) and other dangerous behavior. Before I could get an order from the court to keep her away from our son for his safety, she kidnapped him and ran off. It took the police and myself almost a month to find him (I missed his first birthday. I'm devastated to this day by that.) The police found him in a trailer with people I never heard of on the other side of the metroplex. She wasn't with him. I am thankful he is safe with me. During that month, I don't know what happened. He, despite being so young before this, would speak basic words, crawl around, and was healthy (he was premature with some lung problems, so healthy as he can get.) I got him and he wouldn't say anything. No muttering mama or dada. He'd barely crawl and wanted me to hold him 14/7. He was skinny and looked sick. It still breaks my heart in two to ever think a kid, especially my own, could look like that..

He is doing alot better now. He talks non stop, walks without falling, is not only a healthy weight and height, he's in the upper percentile (88% on height, 72% on weight). I lost a good job to take care of him, I had my truck repo'ed, and I lost my place to live (moved in with my mother.) It was all worth it to see him healthy now. I have a car now, a decent job (I make about 50% what I used to, but I can survive.) I still am having to live with my mother before I jump on that gun and resettle my son.

What's the point of this? After all this, my view of women and marriage has been completely fucked. I can't even stand to flirt with women, yet alone try to date them. I'm disgusted. I kept thinking every woman would turn into my estranged ex wkfe. IVE never been racist (hard to believe with my name), but my ex wife was hispanic and born in Mexico. The way her, her family, and even non-related Hispanics acted during the entire ordeal makes me uneasy around hispanics. I can't trust them like I used to. It's something I do without thinking about. I just naturally have my guard up when they're around. I'm ashamed of it. Having been in the military, I had Hispanics I trusted my life with. Guys I would trust if I gave my life for, they would be worth it. Those guys I still talk to, I still treat them like any of my other brothers, but they are the expecting to the rule. Beyond them, I just can't look at them the same. If anyone here is hispanic, I mean no offense. Im venting. I understand it isn't an okay behavior, which is why I'm ashamed. I don't need anyone telling me it's bad, I know that.

The reason I'm saying this, is I finally feel i'm healing. I joined a dating site after being bombarded by one of my Marine buddies and even my own mother, and I honestly am feeling more secure about moving on with life. Of course, I've talked to some batshit crazy women from it, but some seem genuinely sweet. My buddies have also set me up on a few blind dates, none of them really stood out but it's progress.

I began working out again. I dropped from 175 to 125 in 2 months from the stress of her taking my son and even the way I got him back. I almost ended up in the hospital because I could barely stand or walk. I would have episodes where I stayed up for 4-5days straight, sleep for literally 2 or 3 hours and do it again. Having PTSD did not help any of this. I don't sleep well anyway, but that was alot for me. I'm happy to say I'm back up to 165 and aiming to hit the 195 I was in the military.

You guys don't know, but these forums have been an escape for me. When I'm feeling down or out, I come on here and just read posts, some 2 or 3 years old. I talk to people. You guys have provided me an escape when I need one. I thank you guys for that.

I just wanted to let you guys know how you have helped me, and where I am in life. It only gets better from here, the hard part is done. Thank you guys and I really hope you guys truly feel proud. Y'all deserve it. You never know when you can make someone better. Granted alot of outside help was involved, yall played a role. Thank you.

Here's to moving on and getting better.

[Icewolf]

Man...I can't even begin to imagine the hell you must have been through. I hope that you never have to go through that again. 

 

I'm glad you are reaching out to the world again and have a supportive family. Your mother sounds like she is a rock and you are lucky to have someone to pick you up like that. 

 

The only thing I can really say is I have met some astounding arseholes in my life (although none have ever managed to inflict that kind of pain on me) and the thing to remember is not to let them define you. If your life is defined by arseholes, they win. 

[SeaBeeGipson]

Man...I can't even begin to imagine the hell you must have been through. I hope that you never have to go through that again. 
 
I'm glad you are reaching out to the world again and have a supportive family. Your mother sounds like she is a rock and you are lucky to have someone to pick you up like that. 
 
The only thing I can really say is I have met some astounding arseholes in my life (although none have ever managed to inflict that kind of pain on me) and the thing to remember is not to let them define you. If your life is defined by arseholes, they win. 

Well can't let them win. Thank you for that, and despite all that happened, I'm extremely lucky for my support system

[Fermion]

I'm glad that you stuck around. You been a valuable and witty member and our community would've been poorer without you. Sorry to hear what happened, but it's really great that you're on the road to recovery. This whole account shows me that you're a person of immense inner strength. Wish you all the best in life and all the happiness you and your family can bear.

[The Warrior]

It tears me up to hear stories like yours. I am very glad to hear that those things are behind you and that you are moving forward. Your son is lucky to have you as his father and it sounds like you have saved him from having a terrible life. I sincerely wish you all of the best as you continue to rebuild your life. If we can be of any help to you as part of your support system please don't hesitate to ask. I'll be praying for your family.

[Sister Midnight]

Well, shit, KH! I really hate your name and it has been a big issue for me, why do you have to be so freaking likable? With that said, I admire you for sharing all this and for being the intelligent and caring man you appear to be (despite your shitty name) and I think your son is very lucky to have such a wonderful dad.

You've been through the emotional wringer and it takes time to recover from the trauma of having your child kidnapped and seeing him lose ground developmentally. I hope you are talking to someone who can help you put all of this into a workable perspective. It is understandable that you would be cautious about women in general. You got badly burned in so many ways, you would most unusual to have been through all this and feel confident about relationships. The reality is that you do have to be very careful, you have a son you need to protect and you have your own heart and a soul you need to nurture and protect. You don't have to rush into anything and you don't have to introduce anyone to your child until you are ready. If you do start to fall in love, you may find it helps you to feel more confident/safe to make sure that your friends and family have met the lady and get their feedback on her. I don't think you should ever let other people decide who you should get involved with, but you don't trust women or your own judgement right now, and the people who are close to you have your back.

Rather than blaming a group of people for your ex's and her supporters' actions, I prefer to blame addiction. I think heroin, alcoholism, and all addictions are insidious, changing good men and women into monsters. People are responsible for allowing themselves to become monsters, but blame the drugs, not the ethnicity. Your ex may have once been a good person, but she lost herself and mutated into a destructive train wreck of a human being. I am so sorry you and your son have been through that.

[ccabal86]

Thank you for your trust in sharing this story with us KH. What matters most is that the really bad times are behind you and as Icewolf said, you can't let them weigh you down any longer. Just take it at a slow, comfortable pace and everything will be fine

 

I'm glad to have you here are part of our little community!

[Samus]

These are the type of posts I love to see in our community. It drives me to want to make this community even more of a family.

 

Wish you good luck with everything KH, IRON needs more honest, hard working people like you.

[Canik]

Reminds me of my ex-gf, almost the exact same story only we didn't have a kid together. Not a fun experience.. but, I like to think I'll learn from it and my next relationship will be better.

Glad to hear you got custody and are moving forward. I'll be rooting for ya

[TheWanderer]

I feel privileged that you shared this story with us. Glad to hear that things are on the mend and your kid is doing better.

 

I'd also like to echo SM's view on addiction...I have some experience seeing addiction and what it does, first hand. It destroys people, turning them into shells of what they used to be.

[Captain Crozier]

KH, more power to you as you recover!

As Icewolf says, there are more than anyones share of arsewholes out there, and when recovering from trauma, they tend to show up now and again where your soul is weakest.  Remember to hold on to the support you have and the advances you've made and build on those, so you don't get waylaid.  You'll never be the same, you'll be the new you, but if you can be OK with that, that'll be very healthy from where you've come from.  That's a good thing.  You need it, your son needs it.

 

Thanks for sharing! 

[Dandy]

Gotta watch out for those Dependa's man, MWilson knows what I'm talking about.