Granted. You now have diabetes and arteriosclerosis, fatty.

 

I wish I had a moon base, a life insurance policy for everyone on earth, and a doomsday weapon.

Granted. But a plot in your life insurance states that death by anything but rabid..... leaves... is invalid and not rewardable.

 

I wish this pizza wasn't so damn good!

Granted, now it tastes revolting to the point of making you sick

 

I wish that the number 3 came before the number 2

Granted. I now give you the number 32.

 

I wish I had longer hair.

Granted. you a million..

 

Man I just got robbed..

I don't really understand the above, so I'm just gonna go with the hair one.

 

Granted, you have the worlds longest nosehair.

 

I wish for school textbooks.

Granted, but they are written in riddles.

 

I wish my toe nails would stop growing.

Granted. All of your toenails have fallen off.

 

I wish I lived in a bigger house.

Granted, you now live in the world's largest cardboard box, unfortunately it's about to rain

 

I wish I could be more interested in university

Granted, but you can't ever decide on what you want to do with your life, so you just become a professional student and continue working at a dead-end job that you hate.

 

I wish I got paid more.

Granted. You get .01% raise. But more responsibilities.

 

I wish I could control time.

Granted, but you end up going back to the 50's and accidently sleeping with your grandmother

 

I wish had 4 horse chariot

Granted, but it's a Playmobil 4 horse chariot (see below)

 

http://www.utoypia.com/images/bigplaymobil_4274.jpg

 

I wish I had a book to read.

Granted, you have been given a compendium of the greatest literary masterpieces in history, unfortunately they are all in Swahili

 

I wish I could learn languages instantly

 

(Love the playmobile though)

Granted, but you lose your hearing, and tongue in a freak accident.

 

I wish I could have a cheeseburger right now.

Granted, but its been setting in the food warming tray for about 2 hours.

 

I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow.

Granted, but its been setting in the food warming tray for about 2 hours.

 

I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow.

Granted. Your work building has burned to the ground, but you are now an arson suspect.

 

I wish my legs weren't so sore from working out.

Granted, they have been amputated

 

I wish I wasn't so damned awesome

Granted. Every person on the planet is suddenly gorgeous, wealthy, and uber-talented...except for you.

 

I wish I could find a matching pair of socks.

Edited February 9, 201115 yr by Mocha Canela

Granted. But in the process of picking up the socks found at the top of the stairs, you slip and tumble down the stairs.

 

I wish I wasn't so far behind in college.

Granted. You are not only caught up, but you are the head of your class. In Kindergarten.

 

I wish I had cooler friends.

Granted, but they are all so much cooler than you that they ultimately reject you and tell everyone your secrets

 

I wish I could pick the winning horse at the next Melbourne Cup

Granted. But the odds were only 1-1.

 

I wish i could play guitar really awesomely.

Granted. You have been transformed in Jimi Hendrix, greatest guitarist of all time. Only the date is now September 17, 1970, just hours before your death.